i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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