I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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