Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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