Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
