I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
