I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
