Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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