It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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