dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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