Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
