do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
