"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
