As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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