If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
