Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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