you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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