I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
