I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
