remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
