I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
