I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
