One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
