i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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