yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
