Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
