every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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