you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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