I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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