You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
