I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize