So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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