Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
