I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
