wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
