u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it because I queefed?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
