The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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