I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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