:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
