I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
