What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
