i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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