oh god the rape fog is back!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
