good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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