ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
