dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
