He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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