they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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