i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
