i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
