TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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